Monday, August 10, 2009

Congressman Christ - Episode Three

Christ has returned to Earth for his Second Coming. In 2008, he ran for and won election to the U.S. House of Representatives from the 27th Congressional District of Texas in Corpus Christi.

Congressman Christ’s arrival at the Capitol building every day always drew a crowd of the curious, the skeptical and the lame asking Christ to heal them. And he did. Those who had AIDS and cancer came and were cured, those who could not see or walk came and became sighted and pedestrians, those who had a severe addiction to “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” left with a desire to only watch PBS.

After Congressman Christ cured everyone, he turned to begin ascending the Capitol steps when someone called out from the crowd, “What have you enjoyed since your return?” Congressman Christ turned and replied, “Pizza. With no anchovies.”

“Who is your favorite Pope?” someone shouted from the back.

“John Paul…no wait, those are my two favorite Beatles,” He answered and began singing “Hey Jude” to himself.

Meanwhile, in the background a long black limo pulled to a stop. An old man climbed out. He was Douglas Coe, the 80 year old leader of The Family, Washington’s secret religious power elite group. And Congressman Christ watched him for He knew that Coe had come for Him.

The crowd parted as Coe walked through them. “You see, I am like Moses parting the Red Sea,” Coe said as he smiled to Congressman Christ.

“Moses parted the Red Sea to help the Children of Israel escape the Egyptian army. You are not running from an army but are trying to command one using my name,” Congressman Christ replied.

“Then you know who I am. You are either very perceptive, extremely lucky or you really are Christ,” Coe said.

“You have many doubts,” Congressman Christ said, “You doubt that my words and those of our Heavenly Father to help the poor are true. You believed what your founder said—that he had a vision of God who told him everyone got it wrong that our Heavenly Father was really concerned more about the rich and powerful than the poor and oppressed.”

“The rich and powerful are God’s children too,” Coe said as he approached the first step, “You should live with us at C Street.”

Congressman Christ ignored the invite. “Do you remember what I said in Matthew 24?’ He asked and looked squarely in Coe’s eyes.

Coe only smiled, knowing the scripture to which Congressman Christ referred.

Congressman Christ tired of Coe’s attempts at manipulation. He said, "At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.... For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and miracles to deceive even the elect."

Coe’s smile was frozen on his face. Then he spoke: “I just needed confirmation that you are truly Christ, Master.”

“I am truly Christ,” He said. Congressman Christ turned and began to ascend the steps.

“I can take you to many capitals around the world so you may speak to many leaders to help you with your work,” Coe called out.

Congressman Christ stopped and turned. “And as Satan told me in the desert, ’All this authority I will give You and their glory; for this has been delivered to me, and I give it to whomever I wish.’”

Coe could no longer smile.

“You hold the rich and powerful above the meek and poor,” Congressman Christ told him as he descended the steps. The crowd that was gathered became excited. “Do you remember my Sermon on the Mount?” He added.

Coe looked at him blankly.

“The meek shall inherit the earth,“ He said. “Do you remember when I said in the Synagogue “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor?” He asked.

“So you do not love the rich and powerful?” Coe asked.

“You are setting for me a trap with words like the Chief Priests of the Temple?” Congressman Christ responded.

Coe smiled a shit-eating grin.

“Did I not have compassion for the Roman Centurion? Did I not welcome the tax collectors?”

Coe turned and walked back to his limo. Congressman Christ called out to him, “I have not finished with you. When I visit your office, will you invite me in?”

Coe slammed his limo door and sped off.

There was a long silence. Congressman Christ looked out at the amazed crowd.

“Was he an evil man?” someone shouted.

“No, but God gave his believers sexual scandals so the people would be made aware of his bad deeds,” He answered.

There was a pause.

“So what’s your favorite movie?” someone called out.

“‘Dirty Harry’,” He called back then ascended the steps.

Join us next week for another thrilling and rapturous episode of “Congressman Christ” when Sarah Palin asks Him to join her on Facebook as a friend.