A few things they are not telling us about public health care reform:
1. To be bipartisan, Obama has decided that Karl Rove will determine which doctors will be fired for medicinal reasons.
2. Similar to do-it-at-home dentistry, under the health care reform, vasectomies will also be performed with a string and a slamming door.
3. All those needing costly invasive medical procedures will first be sent to Afghanistan and made to kill three Taliban leaders before any surgery takes place.
4. There will be a Death Panel and it will consist of Paula Abdul. It will be televised on the Disney Channel where the elderly will be required to perform their end-of-life wishes in interpretive song, dance or other talent and Paula will determine who lives and dies.
5. Under public health, a “birther” will not qualify for the plan unless they are eight months pregnant. Conversely, “deathers” will not qualify for the plan unless they are already deceased.
6. In some cases, the prescribed medicine will be replaced with placebos. Also, in some cases, medical professionals will be replaced with casual bowlers.
7. Pediatric care covered by the public health plan shall not apply to the first born son of the family due to the plan’s requirement of child sacrifice to Obama.
8. While Obama is not a Nazi, the doctors in the public health care plan will be Nazis. Josef Mengele’s grandson, Rutger Mengele will determine who gets treatment and who gets amputations. The procedure for who sees the doctor first will be changed from “Take a number” to “Take a Swastika”.
9. Siamese Twins will be separated, but to save time, operations will only be performed during scheduled Two-for-One specials.
10. To save taxpayer money, all plastic surgery procedures shall use soda bottles cultivated from bus stop trash cans, microwave-melted to your individual face’s specifications.