Monday, August 24, 2009

Congressman Christ - Episode 5

Congressman Christ noticed that the Secret Service Agents eyed him suspiciously as he entered the Oval Office. President Obama greeted Christ and bowed before him and kissed His hand—just like he was a Pope—or Saudi King Abdullah.

“Mr. President,” Congressman Christ said.

“Uh,” Obama stammered, “my staff still has not determined how I should address you, your…you see?”

“Congressman is what I was elected as,” Christ said.

“Then Congressman, let’s go shoot some hoops. Are you going to put on some sweats and sneakers? Your robe and sandals will only help me win,” Obama smiled.

“Would sweats and sneakers enable you to walk on water?” Congressman Christ asked.

Obama understood what He meant and smiled. “This way,” Obama said.

Congressman Christ and President Obama headed outside to the basketball court Obama had installed earlier in the year.

As Obama and Congressman Christ walked through the Rose Garden, He turned to Obama, “It’s been awhile since I was in the Garden,” Congressman Christ said with a smile. Obama did not know whether he should laugh or not.

“I was making a joke, Mr. President,” Congressman Christ said.

“I don’t think I can win against you. It wouldn’t be right, it wouldn’t be the…Christian thing to do,” Obama said, lowering his head.

“So you’re saying the liberals are right about you?” Congressman Christ offered.

“What’s that?” Obama bit.

“You’re a wuss,” Congressman Christ retorted with a smile.

A few minutes into the game, Congressman Christ noticed that Obama really was hesitant to play hard. Congressman Christ grabbed the ball away from Obama and held up his hand.

The Secret Service agents on the sidelines became alert, eyeing Christ for more threatening actions against the President.

“Mr. President,” He said, “allow me to offer some advice on your health care reform issue. I am called the Prince of Peace and look at what they do in my name. Look at what America has done using my name, believing I would approve. I don’t.” Christ looked at him intensely.

Obama lowered his head.

“But I said what you do to the lowest of them you do to me,” He said, “If you give the poor good health care, you give good health to me.”

“I am hoping to make it so,” Obama said.

“Do you think I could have gotten the Romans to agree on what was best for Judea—or to get the Pharisees, the Herodians to simply agree based on your bi-partisan philosophy? No,” He said.

“I thought being the Prince of Peace that—“

Congressman Christ interrupted him. “No. I chased the money changers from the Temple with a whip. And they ran because they had never seen the Prince of Peace so angry. There are reasons worthy of becoming angry. You must do the same because those Republicans and Democrats are taking the House of the Laws of the People and turning it into a Den of Thieves for Insurance Companies and Lobbyists. I have seen this.”

“But I am afraid—“

“Yes, we can all see that,” Congressman Christ interrupted again, “But what I did 2,000 years ago, what I died for was for the poor of many varieties, not the rich. I had Our Father on my side, you have the American people and me and Our Father on your side.”

Looking to change the conversation, and get to the game, Obama yanked the ball from Christ’s hands and began to dribble toward the basket for a lay up shot.

Congressman Christ waved his hand and the ball suddenly went flat. The ball did not bounce back up to Obama, who lost his concentration and stumbled into the goal post.

The Secret Service agents lunged at Christ but Obama called them off. They helped Obama stand and gave him a new basketball.

“If I win, I handle this my way—“

“If you win this, you lose that,” Christ said, interrupting Obama.

“If you win, I do it your way,” Obama smiled.

“You’re on,” Christ smiled back.

Obama dribbled toward Christ and then faked Christ to the left. But when Obama ran to the right Christ was standing right in front of Obama. Obama was shocked, so shocked that Christ took the ball from him and made the shot.

Christ threw the ball at Obama who began to dribble. Obama charged at the basket, but Christ stopped his advance. Obama stopped and held the ball aloft, preparing for a shot.

Christ nodded and the ball turned into a big slimy fish. Obama was repulsed and dropped the fish. Christ picked it up and it turned into a ball again and Christ made a twenty foot hook shot. All net.

Obama looked up, amazed. Christ threw him the ball again. Obama began to dribble again. Suddenly Obama could find Christ nowhere around him. Obama looked up at the basket and made the shot.

But by the time the ball left his hands, the goal had turned into a cross and Christ was nailed onto it just like the crucifixion. But Christ wasn’t nailed because he caught the ball while on the cross. He dropped to the court, ball in hand and the cross changed back to the goal post.

Christ turned and smiled at Obama then Christ made the shot.

“I can never win against you,” Obama said, realizing defeat.

“Serve the People,” Christ said, “not the Den of Thieves.”

Tomorrow: Health Care Reform, Republicans and Righteous Rage