Thursday, July 2, 2009

The Jim Buck Blog…Today’s Guest Host.…

Jim took today off, so I’m the guest host of his blog. After reading what he wrote yesterday, I ain’t so sure I wanna be associated with him. I’m a tenant of his and I don’t really like him. He makes the little old ladies in our building do his laundry and make him lunch everyday. He charges $5 for a receipt just for having paid the rent. We pay it because we’re all kind of afraid of him. He screams a lot.

He also complains too much. He called me a little while ago complaining he was tired, his fingers and knuckles hurt from all the typing for the past two weeks. What a wuss.

He wrote last week that Johnny Carson was his idol, so you can bet guest hosts for his blog will be a weekly thing. Soon there will be repeats of past blogs every Monday and blog guest hosts every Tuesday every week for now on. What a lazy guy.

So, since Jim didn’t introduce me to you, let me do a proper intro for myself.

And now, heeeeeeere’s me. I’ll imagine your applause.

I am new to writing blogs, so please pardon my ignorance about its history. Or, don’t pardon it, I don’t care.

Firstly, why is it called “blog”? The ancient human woman discovered in Africa back in the 70s was named “Lucy” because “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” was playing when they discovered her bones. So I always thought blogs were called “blog” because they were invented while the inventers were watching the SNL sketch where John Belushi played Blog, the arctic dietary researcher.

Who determined that the worldwide collection of blogs should be called “blogosphere”? Was there a vote?

The last time I looked, a sphere is round and when I look at a blog on a monitor it certainly doesn’t look round. In fact, when I look at any blog on my monitor none of them look round, circular, oval, orbal, globic, ball-like or SPHERICAL!!!

Why not a blogorectangle or a blogotriangle? Why not a blogogeodesic dome?

Also, the word “sphere” incorporates the word “fear”, as in “‘s fear”, which subliminally could harm bloggers by making them timid or paranoid over time as a residual effect from continued exposure to “blogosphere”. Also, the word “blog” is too close to the word “blah”, which suggests boredom and mediocrity. In fact, I’m bored already.

I also have problems with the word to describe people who write blogs—bloggers. That’s too close to “loggers”, which suggests guys destroying our rainforests and ruining our ozone layer for McDonald’s. Also, “loggers” suggests trees and trees suggest paper which is what computers are anti-.

Don’t any of you blogospherers remember that computers ushered in the paperless revolution? They, and we by extension, are anti-paper! That’s why news papers are dying. You guys won!

I say it should be called a “The Blogosquare” – sort of like a town square of days of old; a meeting place of ideas and informed debate about our common humanity and shared future.

And where is the world wide spider that lives in the world wide web? Jim ain’t paying me to be funny.

In fact, he’s promised to pay me—and he’d better!—only to fill this space. And I have.

Jim, you better give me that $20—and have somebody come fix my toilet!