e(lection dis)Harmony.com

Does Tuesday mean it's over between them?

Don’t Read This Blog

A potpourri of disjointed thoughts about some of today’s political realities:

Mr. T. Party "Sucka!" I was giving the Tea Party guy Allen Olson the benefit of the doubt until he answered Chris Matthews question about who he’d like to see replace Lindsay Graham as Senator in South Carolina and he said, “Sarah Palin”. And I heard her name in my head a whole second before he said it.

I’m human. Even I get tired of being angry at the Tear Partiers and the Birthers and the Deathers because they’re so stupid. I want to understand and accept them as humans with concerns and needs and loved ones to protect the best way they know and feel.

But since I cannot control my emotions because I’m a passionate (read: angry) liberal (actually I’m not a liberal, I prefer to be called a “liber-real”). I’m a leftist with a coherent grasp on reality and the state of the world and my enemies’ place in it—just kidding—but I cannot accept the idea of Sarah Palin as anything other than a cartoonish Halloween costume and mask (glasses not included) or a talk show host on Fox.

A Real Deather! Rick Perry may have killed an innocent man. Perry always reminded me of a good-looking, dumb jock kind of guy. And, he did the jock kind of thing by pulling the plug on the innocent father. Perry probably had two thoughts going simultaneously—his re-election and at least the father would finally be with his dead daughters in Heaven.

This is precisely why I have been against the death penalty since I was young and growing up in a death penalty state—because of the very real possibility of convicting and killing the wrong person. You see, the arts and culture can affect the masses. That thinking is what “To Kill a Mockingbird” did to me.

Drop kicked! Black team players and the businessmen involved with the St. Louis Rams have rejected Rush Limbaugh’s desire to participate in the team as an owner. To paraphrase Malcolm X, “The ‘I hope he fails’ have come home to roost”.

A great capper in all this would be to take Limbaugh’s football-shaped head and kicking a field goal with it.

Goddama Obamma! Yesterday Mr. Change thanked Olympia Snowe for her vote when the Democrats didn’t need it and for her political courage. Let’s hope that means he has become sufficiently inspired by her to find some of his own.

For those salivating uncontrollably and feeling unfulfilled by the above mention of Mr. T, I have taken pity on the fools!

Losing the Public Option

When Keith Olbermann announced last Election Day that Obama would be our next president, I choked up and became emotional, partly because of the racial aspect—America elected it’s first African American president—and partly due to relief for my two months of concern and frustration about Sarah Palin and her hate-filled campaign rallies where she pretended she had a right to stir up cries of “Kill him!”, and partly because I thought we’d elected a president who may reverse some of the Bush administration’s policies and give America some standing in the world.

Sunday morning when I saw that Obama was considering surrendering the public option to the Republicans and the insurance industry I became angry. “Republican pressure” and “uneasy public” is what it said was Obama’s explanation.

Where are the Democrats’ backbones? So far all I’ve seen on this side of the debate is an ad using the same actors from 1994 who were in an ad against it (Great [heavy sarcasm] gimmick!!) and an ad by AARP. This seems to be a case of too little too late.

And what about Obama? We elect him for “change” and the only thing he changes is what he is doing compared to what he said he’d do. Is he taking this Lincoln fixation he has too far by actually believing he will unite the country. Does he realize Lincoln only did that after winning a war?! Does he further realize he’s not even fighting a war to win health care reform that he could win if he tried.

Immediately after his Inauguration, Obama wussed out by trying to be all bi-partisan, inviting the Republicans to the White House for cocktails. Who gives a shit about cocktails?! Did he think after losing to him that Republicans were going to be civil? That kind of civility is like a thief smiling at you before he pulls the gun.

I am tired of the weak Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barack Obama-type Democrats. After eight years of Bush we all have to vent some anger. And nothing does that better than impeachment.

But Democrats are the true Christians because they always turn the other cheek. Democrats love their enemies so much they kiss their ass. In the Bible Matthew 5:40 it says “If anyone wants to sue you and take your tunic (shirt), let him have your cloak as well.” To Democrats their “cloak” is synonymous with majority votes.

Some of these sell-out Democrats are already bought by the Health Insurance industry. That’s the behind-the-scenes aspect to this whole mess that the town halls are a distraction from.

Democrats think that because they gained in 2006 and 2008 that now it’s their turn to be corrupt and get away with it. Their campaign contributions, they think, will go up in 2010 because they “behaved”. Idiots! They’ve been bought and sold like the weak, stupid slaves they are. GodDem damnocrats.

I watched “Goodfellas” yesterday—not on AMC—and it reminded me of this very situation. Obama is the restaurant owner trying to get Joe Pesci to pay his $7,000 bill because fair is fair. Joe Pesci is the health care industry who hits him over the head with a bottle and kicks him in the ass.

All I’m smart enough to do right now is write and manage an apartment building. But even I know that health care reform should have been pre-sold back in June and July by using the same means that helped Obama get elected.

Today there was talk that the Republicans want to dismantle Medi-care. A word of advice to them: ask the Democrats to be bi-partisan and they will do it for you.

Both Obama and Palin played basketball. Palin was so competitive she earned the nickname “barracuda”. Obama’s competitiveness probably earned the nickname “tortoise”.

During the campaign Palin described her ferocity as lipstick on a Pitbull. Obama may as well describe his as Chapstick on a Chihuahua.

Last year Palin was for the Bridge to Nowhere before she was against it. Last year, Obama was for the public option before he was against it and health care reform isn’t going anywhere.

His campaign slogan was “Yes We Can”. Now it seems to be more like “Yes We…Well, Let Me See if They’ll Agree To It First”.

His other slogan was “Change We Can Believe In”. Now it seems to be more like, “Change We Can Deceive In”.

Am I missing something here? Was Blagojevich secretly appointed to head health care in a quid pro quo for naming someone ridiculous to fill his Senate seat so Obama could have it back in January 2013?

We have a first with Obama being the first black president. Will we have another first in that Obama will also be the first president to run for his old Senate seat while serving as president?

All the Republicans have to do now is create a phony national security issue to really wrest the government back from Americans.

On to Global Warming, Social Security, Medi-Care and every other campaign promise he made.

I hope I’m wrong.

Congressman Christ – Episode Four

Christ has returned to Earth for his Second Coming. In 2008, he ran for and won election to the U.S. House of Representatives from the 27th Congressional District of Texas in Corpus Christi.

“Jesus!” was called out as Congressman Christ walked down the hallway to his office. He stopped and turned.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” shouted back the Capitol Police officer, “all visitors must go through security!”

“I’m not a visitor, I’m Sarah Palin and I came to see Jesus!”

“Let her through,” Congressman Christ called out.

Palin marched up to Congressman Christ. “Your Messiahfulness,” she gulped then sighed to catch her breath. “I’m an important person in American politics. You probably heard about me even before politics, I’ve certainly prayed to you enough.”

Congressman Christ began to respond but Palin cut him off.

“I’m a Pentecostal. We’re probably the Christians you would approve of most out of all the other Christians.”

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Some of those other Christians are religious elites. They look down on us for our talking in tongues and our praying against witchcraft and our shooting wolves from airplanes.”

“Shooting wolves from airplanes? You consider that Christian?”

“You betcha. The Lord is my shepherd! Every shepherd knows wolves kill flocks. We literally interpret the Bible,” Palin said.

“Is there something you need from me?” He said, anxious to get to his office.

“Can you make it so that America takes me more seriously?”

“Your pastor prayed for me to make a way for you to be Governor and you became Governor, but then you threw away the answer to your prayer when you resigned.”

“I did it to better serve the people of this Great nation against the evils of Obama.”

“Do you remember when you prayed to be able to go to Hawaii Pacific University and I granted your prayer and then you quit after one semester?”

“Yes, but—“

“And then you prayed to go to North Idaho College and I granted that prayer, but you quit after two semesters.”

“I—“

“And then you went to the University of Idaho without praying and then you prayed to continue your education near your family and to be near Todd, so I granted that and you lasted there for one semester again!”

“Todd was—“

“Then you went back to University of Idaho. You prayed to become a sportscaster and I made you a sportscaster, but you quit that too!”

Congressman Christ was starting to raise his voice.

“Face it! You don’t finish what you start! You’re for the bridge then you’re against it! You speak about Death Panels then you preach civility!”

“Maybe we should go to my office,” Congressman Christ gestured for her to follow him.

“No, there may be a photographer or a news camera coming by any minute,” she said, “I get more political clout having my photo taken with you than with that loser John McCain.”

“I am very busy, Mrs. Palin,” He said.

“I need to ask you something—well, a couple of things, your Saviorship,” she looked at him with fear and desperation.

“Like what?” He asked.

“I need to ask about…divorce,” she said in a hushed tone.

“It is written: anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. Are you divorcing?” He asked.

Palin grabbed Him by the arm and hurried him to His office. “Let’s go! We don’t need photos that bad!”

“Do you remember praying almost a hundred times that you wanted me to make Todd love you, that Todd would ask you out, that Todd would call you, that Todd would propose and that Todd would not change his mind?” Congressman Christ asked. His voice became pointed with frustration.

“I was busy answering prayers of people in war,” He continued, “People who were going to die, children who were in trouble! And you kept bothering me about Todd! Todd! Todd!”

Christ had not been this angry since Simon Peter used to run around to all who had gathered when Christ was preaching his sermons, saying, “Pull my thumb”.

The veins were popping out on Congressman Christ’s forehead, he was so frustrated.

“I could care less if you get divorced!” He exclaimed. “First you are for this university then you’re against it, then you’re for the bridge then you’re against it, then you’re for being Governor, then you’re against it, then you’re against civility, then you you’re for it, then you’re against it!”

“I’m sometimes confused,” she said.

“It’s like you’re speaking in tongues when praying, you make as much sense!” Congressman Christ was fed up.

“Instead of fighting Obama on something like un-real like death panels, why don’t you fight him on something un-Christian like torture?!”

Christ fumed. Palin became timid.

“I’m sorry. Sometimes I feel like I’m being crucified.”

“Well, why don’t I get a hammer and nails so you can have the full effect?!”

Congressman Christ paced around his office rubbing his neck to calm down.

“I’m sorry I made you so mad. I do the same to Todd. I have just one more question then I’ll leave.”

“What??!!”

Palin became afraid for a moment then pulled herself together. “I’ve been thinking about running for president in 2012. Are you at all interested in becoming vice-president? We’d win very easy.”

Congressman Christ just looked at her and sighed.

Join us next week for another thrilling and rapturous episode of Congressman Christ when President Obama invites Him to the White House to shoot some hoops.

Congressman Christ - Episode Four - Monday

Join us next week for another thrilling and rapturous episode of “Congressman Christ” when Sarah Palin asks Jesus to join her on Facebook as a friend.

Congressman Christ – Episode Four - On Monday

Join us Monday for another thrilling and rapturous episode of “Congressman Christ” when Sarah Palin asks Him to join her as a friend on Facebook.

Same Christ time. Same Christ channel.

I Want My Country Back

One of my all-time favorite films is “To Kill a Mockingbird” (“TKM”). I first saw it at about age 13 or so on TV. It moved me so much I even read the book. I don’t know that I comprehended the racial message or the sexual and physical abuse message that much on a conscious level, but I am certain I got much of it on a subconscious level.

Last week during one of the town hall meetings on the health care reform debate debacle, a teary-eyed, red-headed, emotional woman who had the aura of a domestic violence survivor, almost stomping her feet in a childish way exclaimed into a microphone, “I want my country back!”

She reminded me of the character Mayella Violet Ewell who was sexually and physically assaulted by her father and, when it became obvious she was lying, she lashed out at the jury, screaming incoherently, “And if you fine fancy gentlemen ain’t gonna do nothin’ about it…with your fancy ass…don’t come to nothin’, Mr. Finch! Ugh!” before she ran into the arms of her abusive father.

I will never be able to look at the face of Brock Peters as Tom Robinson, the accused rapist, without seeing Barack Obama again. After all, they’re both black (although Obama’s half-white, remember?) and there are the similarities in their names—I think Brock Obama would be better than Barry, don’t you?

Despite the disappointment and frustration that progressives have with him or his war crimes in Iraq and Afghanistan as our Imperial Manager, Obama, in the context of health care reform debate/debacle, is being accused, tried and executed for crimes he did not commit.

The Radical Right accusing Obama of socialism, killing old people and Sarah Palin’s baby, comparing him to Hitler, and attempting to overthrow his presidency with fake birth certificates are nothing more than attempts to reassert the power structure that was taken away from them in the last two elections.

Trying and sentencing Tom Robinson for a crime committed by the abusive white father of the victim sitting on the witness stand was the way the corrupt power structure, the men from Old Sarum, maintained control. Accusing and trying Obama in the court of public opinion and convicting him of Nazism is nothing more than the white conservative power structure in America attempting to maintain control and maintain the status quo of a corrupt and abusive health care system that does their community more damage than good just like Maycomb’s racism held that community back.

In this analogy, I guess Rush Limbaugh would be the father character, Bob Ewell, since Limbaugh’s the father of the Republican Party, and benefited from his own health insurance with his OxyContin addiction which certainly was not on a single payer plan if Palm Beach County Florida law enforcement authorities noticed Limbaugh’s name in connection with a black market drug ring during an investigation back in 2003. But I digress.

The members of the Old Sarum mob who confront Atticus the night they try to break Tom Robinson out for a lynching would be Glenn Beck, Dick Armey and throw some of those damned Blue Dog Dems in there as well. They’re all idiots.

If Beck and Limbaugh had lived thousands of years ago, they would have been against the use of fire, they would have been against the creation of the wheel and they would have been against planting crops. These guys and the people they represent would rather eat raw meat just to maintain their status quo than create anything that would benefit those without in America.

But who is the Atticus Finch character in all this? Will it be Bill Clinton? Ooh, interesting characterization on at least the southern male angle—but no. I doubt Atticus Finch would have killed innocents in Iraq or had oral sex with an intern. And I am certain Atticus knew what the meaning of the word “is” is.

And perhaps more importantly, who is the Boo Radley character— who comes to save the day by killing the Bob Ewell character and every evil thing he was capable of from that day forward?

As we all know (and for those who don’t) Boo was a guy perceived as evil by the entire community who was misunderstood and came to save the day in the end. Who would be Boo?

John Cornyn? He has white hair and that albino look—even though Robert Duval is better looking. Bobby Jindal? No albino look, but hey, aren’t some of the broader points of this piece and “TKM” about race. The problem with Jindal is he’s too much of Barney Fife to be a Boo Radley. Se la vie.

Progressive, pro-health care reformers sitting quietly in the town hall meeting are like the blacks of Maycomb (the fictional town) forced to sit silently up in the second-floor gallery while the rabble rousers take up every occupiable space on the first floor of the courtroom.

This is an incredible similarity in this analysis between Mayella Ewell and Sarah Palin, however. The lies and victimization from the witness stand and not knowing how Tom Robinson supposedly raped her is like Palin lying during the campaign and now claiming Obama will kill her baby, proclaiming the media elites have treated her badly and not knowing anything about Supreme Court cases, etc and many other things she has shown her ignorance on. Mayella’s lashing out at the courtroom before feeling the witness stand into her father’s arms is uniquely similar to Palin lashing out at everyone before fleeing the governor’s office into First Dude’s arms. Even their shoes are almost the same.

The major differences between Obama and Tom Robinson in this analogy are that Obama is left handed and Tom Robinson’s left arm was damaged. What I hope is the other difference is that Obama doesn’t run away like Tom Robinson did.

Barack Obama. B-rock Peters.

Obama is no more a Nazi than Tom Robinson was a rapist. But the tactics of loud and constant accusation is how mob rule wins just as it did in “To Kill a Mockingbird”.

I want my country too. But I can’t want it back because I don’t think I ever had it. Instead, it’s something I’ll just have to keep working toward.

Palin By Comparison

Back during the campaign, when I was reading all there was to read about McCain’s new-to-the-scene VP pick, I was struck by the questions I had regarding the construction of the Wasilla Sport Complex and her home that the media did not follow through on and investigate. Something seemed wrong.

Now, according to all of bloggerdom, the Wasilla Sports Complex and her lakefront home may be the reason for her resignation as Governor. If that is true, and she resigned in advance of federal indictments, many things make sense now.

In the event these indictments become reality, the Republican Party is severely crippled—okay, okay!, it’s easy to say that, I know!—and I will; that and much more.

How will anyone ever be able to take anything John McCain says seriously again? He certainly has no ability to judge anything moral anymore.

McCain also said recently that Palin is one of the leaders of the GOP. How far removed from reality is he? Are all statements that come from him spoken only to serve some immediate political goal?

He’s up for re-election next year. If we’re lucky one of two things will happen: a) someone more ridiculous that he—think similar to Palin—will beat him and they will simply become a joke, and, b) someone better will beat him and he will become a footnote, that is, until his daughter runs for and wins his Senate seat in 2016.

Sunday, Republican spokespersons were confused about Palin’s resignation and dismissed the possibility of her being taken seriously in a presidential bid.

According to a piece on the ABC News website, “a former aide to Sen. John McCain called Palin's decision, ‘one more odd decision in a series of odd decisions’ that play into a negative image of the soon-to-be former governor”.

Because McCain is largely responsible for this bit of damage to the Republicans, he is the only one who can undo it—with Lindsey Graham and Joe Lieberman standing close by his side.

First, McCain has to apologize to Palin for bringing her under the scrutiny of the media and the American public.

Second, he has to apologize to the media and Americans for wasting our time with someone who is not, in the least, and never will be, qualified even to be a community organizer, let alone vice-president or president.

Thirdly, he has to apologize to right-wing Christians and members of the Wasilla Assembly of God, and all Pentecostals, for embarrassing them because Palin has now thrown away the gift God gave her, the governorship, the obvious result of the prayers of Pastor Muthee and all the worshippers at the Wasilla Assembly of God in the video where he prays for God to “make a way” for Palin to become Governor.

Reportedly, Wasilla Assembly of God Senior Pastor Ed Kalnins has preached in the past that “critics of President Bush will be banished to hell; [he] questioned whether people who voted for Sen. John Kerry in 2004 would be accepted into heaven; and preached that the Sept. 11 attacks and the war in Iraq were part of a world war over Christianity.”

Kalnins also reportedly preached “I believe that Alaska is one of the refuge states... in the Last Days, and hundreds of thousands of people are going to come to this state to seek refuge. And the church has to ready to minister to them.”

It would be interesting to have heard how Pastor Kalnins spun Palin’s resignation to the congregation in today’s sermon.

If Palin and others are indicted it will be a great lesson for this country, and for McCain, who recently said, in the context of Obama not being tough enough on Iran, “America is the moral leader in the world.”

McCain’s upcoming spin on this is obvious: “Sarah Palin is doing the only honorable thing in light of coming events and President Obama is shrinking from his duties as a leader of the free world by not insisting that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad follow Governor Palin’s example and resign in the face of his coming election scandal investigation by the international community.”

As of yesterday, the Palins are making hollow threats of filing defamation lawsuits against bloggers and the media for even mentioning the rumors of possible indictments as the reason for her resignation.

As Ralph Kramden used to say: “Hamana hamana hamana.”

The Jim Buck Blog Special July 4th Independence Day Extravanganza

Happy 4th of July, everybody!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, and thank you for joining me for the Jim Buck Blog Special 4th of July Extravaganza.

Oh, we’re gonna have a lot of red, white and blue fun today. So, grab your American flag, sit back and relax, and get ready to feel more patriotic than you’ve felt since George Bush 41 threw up all over that Japanese guy.

But before we move forward I think we should bow our heads in prayer and give thanks for the tremendous service as Governor that Sarah Palin has given to Alaska--and America during her campaign last year.


What a great American, to resign before the speculated heavy barrage of ethics complaints are lobbed against her. She is no Nixon for putting her state through vicious possible ethics scandals and investigations. And she is really no Nixon because she is not president of the United States. Yet. Ha ha.


And let’s continue to bow our heads and observe the passing, one year ago today—unless they lied just to make his soul seem uber patriotic—of another great American who formed the mold, former North Carolina Senator Jesse Helms, who so loved his country, and so hated the communists that he allied himself with Moonies and Central American drug dealers, both of whom have avowed publicly to destroy our great land. And Jesse sided with them and helped them any way he could, just so the communists could never succeed in doing their brand of damage to our freedom and American way of life. God blesse, Jesse.

But enough of the depressing serious stuff, it’s time for our stars and stripes SPECTACULAR!!

So, please put your hand over your heart and read aloud:

I pledge allegiance to the flag
And the United States of America
And to the Republicans
For which we vote
It is our nation
Indivisible from our God
With liberty to dictate our policies
On the rest of the country
And invade other countries
To exploit their resources
And suppress their governments
With justice for all of only us
Amen

I think I remember that’s how it goes. If not, it’s pretty darned close. And if it’s not close, then that’s how it should be.

And now for a little patriotic humor. The presidents atop Mount Rushmore are going to perform a little humorous vignette titled, When Does George Bush Get to Join Us?

WASHINGTON: It sure feels un-American being the only George up here.

JEFFERSON: Boy, do I know what you mean, George. If only we could tell the American people what a great president George Bush truly was.

LINCOLN: Yes, I think America only understands how great a president is until after they've been assassinated.

ROOSEVELT: Bully. I know they wouldn't hear me tell them--I speak too softly.

THEY ALL LAUGH.

WASHINGTON: But maybe if you waved your big stick, Teddy, in sort of a semaphore signal, then all of America would know we want George W. Bush up here in stone with us.

LINCOLN: I'm sure many Americans would like to see him in stone.

JEFFERSON: What does that mean, Abe?

WASHINGTON: You see, Abe, you're always so negative. That's why you got shot.

ROOSEVELT: And, that's why there's this gap up here between you and us.

WASHINGTON: He led a revolutionary war--in Iraq!

ROOSEVELT: And he flew onto that aircraft carrier just like I charged up San Juan Hill!

JEFFERSON: And he abolished the slavery that many on Wall Street and corporate America were chained to. Capitalism in America had been like a plantation until he freed them from the bonds of government regulation.

WASHINGTON: C'mon, Abe. Trust me. I say he should be up here, and I should know, I'm the Father of our country.

LINCOLN: But I'm the greatest American president.

JEFFERSON: If you're that great, they would've renamed our nation's capitol, Lincoln, DC.

THEY ALL LAUGH, BUT ABE.

ABE: Alright, alright, where would you put him?

JEFFERSON: Well, there's a spot right next to you.

ABE: I thought they were saving that for Reagan.

WASHINGTON: Well then, let's just say that Reagan was saving it for George.

THEY ALL LAUGH, BUT ABE.

JEFFERSON: Cheer up, Abe. You know you should be grateful.

LINCOLN: For what?

ROOSEVELT: That the back of your head's against this mountain. Now nobody can ever shoot you from behind again.

THEY ALL LAUGH, BUT ABE.

WASHINGTON: We should tell every tourist that comes to look at us that we want George, we want George. They'll hear it in the wind and soon it will catch on.

JEFFERSON: Yes, and it will become a movement. Just like how our own revolution started.

ROOSEVELT: And the people will rise up and demand George W. Bush on Mount Rushmore.

WASHINGTON: And they will rename this place, Mount Bush'n'more.

ABE ROLLS HIS EYES. THEY ALL LAUGH, BUT ABE.

Wasn't that just some great patriotic American comedy?! Let's give them a hand, The Mount Rushmore Players, ladies and gentlemen, and their tribute to that great American president, George W. Bush!!!


And now for a musical number. Kate Smith, singing God's favorite song that's not about his son..."God Bless America!"

APPLAUDS



Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much. I just want to say that I and America are humbled by your sharing your 4 th of July with us here at the Jim Buck Blog Special 4th of July Extravaganza!

(SENSES THE APPLAUSE THROUGHOUT OUR BLOG-HEARTLAND)

Yeah! Yeah!

I think right now everyone out there agrees with me when I say: I think we ought to turn America into a PATRIOCRACY!!!!

(SENSES EVEN MORE APPLAUSE AND CHEERS AND WHISTLES THROUGHOUT OUR BLOG-HEARTLAND)

Yeah! Yeah!

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen! And now...let's EAT!!!



Okay, the food's not quite ready. I guess that's God's way of reminding us to pray first. So, let's bow our hands, put our eyes together and close our heads....

I mean, put our hands together, close our eyes and bow our heads....

Lord, we give thanks for the 233 years of our great country's life. And we hope liberty reigns for another 233 years and beyond. And we hope you'll make the Democrats lose in 2010 and 2012. We need Sarah, Lord. And Sarah needs you. And she has you, Lord, that which is what we know.

Take away Obama, Lord. He is our first black president and he is so disappointing. We have not seen him sing and dance at a press conference not one time, Lord. He is no Sammy Davis Jr.

Lord, we know it ain't politically correct, but we want America to be a white again, but we'll allow some non-whites, just like a genuine American vanilla ice cream cone with maybe a few little chocolate sprinkles on top.

And Lord, bless the fireworks we will see tonight, oh Lord, and give us a good show, for we know that fireworks commemorate the glory of war, and the glory of the greatest war, oh Lord, the war of Armageddon, when the battle of good versus evil takes place, will be the greatest fire in the sky and end-of-the-world display humanity will ever have witnessed.

Oh, I just heard a boom. Was that the fireworks?! It is!!

God's AMERICAN GLORY is on display tonight! Let's watch!!



And now, I know everyone has been waiting for it, which is why we saved it to last, it's time for the Jim Buck Blog Special Winner of the "Who's the Greatest American After George W. Bush" poll. And as you can see, it's Rush Limbaugh!!

SENSES APPLAUSE THROUGHOUT AMERICA'S GLORIOUS BLOG-HEARTLAND

My son has friends who call Rush, "Tush Rimjob". The way I see it, patriotism for Rush through a speech impediment is better than none at all.

And that wraps up (us in our great flag, ha ha!) the Jim Buck Blog Special 4th of July Independence Day Extravaganza!! Let me be the first to wish America, happy 234th!

And let me finish by saying, if you ain't American, then you surely want to be!!

Goodnight, everybody! Happy flag waving!! Ain't it sexy??!!!



GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

Palin-Bachmann 2012 – The First Meeting

PALIN AND BACHMANN MEET SECRETLY IN WASHINGTON.

PALIN: Michele, it is nice to finally meet you.

BACHMANN: And you too, Sarah. I’m a big fan.

PALIN: I love your eyes. I love how they widen repeatedly when you’re staring at the camera—like you can shoot laser beams from them.

BACHMANN: That’s how I beat Tinklenberg last year…I shot laser eye beams at him, like Superman. (laughs)

PALIN: Tinklenberg? That’s his real name.

BACHMANN: Yes. And I beat the piss out of him. (laughs)

PALIN: (smiles politely) I see. Are those lenses or is blue your natural color?

BACHMANN: No, they’re my real eyes. And I love your glasses. Is that your normal eyesight or are they prescription?

PALIN: (slight confusion) …they’re prescription….

BACHMANN: Oh.

PALIN: Michele, you know, the way things are going there won’t be many good Republican men in 2012.

BACHMNN: You mean voters?

PALIN: No, I mean candidates.

BACHMANN: What about John McCain?

PALIN: John is a good man. But he’s old, and he’s a loser.

BACHMANN: That’s because losing is a natural by-product.

PALIN: A natural by-product of what?

BACHMANN: Witchcraft. Anti-American witchcraft. We or you or me or your husband Todd—someone should do a penetrating expose.

PALIN: I have a better idea.

BACHMANN: For what?

PALIN: For the White House.

BACHMANN: You want me to run with Gingrich?

PALIN: No! I want you to run with me.

BACHMANN: Yes, you’ve had vice-presidential campaign experience.

PALIN: No! I would be the presidential candidate. You would be the vice-presidential.

BACHMANN: But I’m the only one of use that won last year! Besides, I’m already in the federal government!

PALIN: Yes, but I have executive experience. I run a state. I’m the hockey mom. And I’m the pit bull with lipstick.

BACHMANN: I have something to offer too.

PALIN: What?

BACHMANN: No census.

PALIN: What do you mean, no sense?? (sudden realization) Oh, census! No, I’m talking about 2012. The census is over next year.

BACHMANN: But as president and vice-president we can have a new census in 2014—every four years—just so we can be against it. And we can hire lots of Japanese census takers and put them in internment camps and the public will have an outcry and we can abolish the census forever.

PALIN: Well I said thanks but no thanks to the Bridge to Nowhere, I can say thanks but no thanks to the census.

BACHMANN: Especially if it’s to nowhere. And we can say thanks but no thanks to global warming.

PALIN: I will tell the American people that I cannot see global warming from Alaska. And if there’s any place you should be able to see global warming, it’s Alaska. That will convince them.

BACHMANN: Oh, can I…can I see Alaska from Minnesota…? We’re right next to Canada, you know….

PALIN: And Canada’s right next to Alaska! So you have foreign policy experience too. That’s good for the campaign.

BACHMANN: I loved that interview you did with that French president.

PALIN: That was a fake.

BACHMANN: That's why I don't like socialism. Those who use it are untrustworthy.

PALIN: Now, I think I should campaign in the pro-America parts of this great nation of ours and you should campaign in the anti-American areas.

BACHMANN: I’m sorry to disagree, Sarah. But I don’t think there are anti-American areas, only anti-American people.

PALIN: New York is anti-American. It’s an area. That’s why they put the UN there, because the UN is anti-American too. That’s why Todd belonged to the secessionist group, so when the UN takes over—

BACHMANN: And changes our currency—

PALIN: Right. When that happens Alaska becomes independent.

BACHMANN: And Minnesota too.

PALIN: And don’t forget Texas.

BACHMANN: Governor Perry’s a good Republican man.

PALIN: But we don’t know if he’ll get re-elected.

BACHMANN: But if he secedes Texas from America, he can’t lose!

PALIN: That’s right! And if we can get enough of the pro-America parts to secede from America, we can win! We must appeal to the people with guns!

BACHMANN: And God!

PALIN: And God! And money! We’re gonna need lots of money! And we can call it the Seceded States of America.

BACHMANN: Then maybe I can be president of some seceded states and you can be president of some!

PALIN: No, I have the executive experience, I should be president of all of them.

BACHMANN: That sounds like elitism.

PALIN: I have a son in Iraq. How many sons do you have in Iraq?

BACHMANN: None.

PALIN: I have a daughter who is a single mother. How many do you have?

BACHMANN: None.

PALIN: I have a husband doesn’t really work, but he’s a hunk, so America can idolize us better. What about your husband?

BACHMANN: He works. He’s a therapist who turns gay men into straight ones.

PALIN: Wow, he must be manly then…. Even more manly than Rick Perry!

BACHMANN: Yes, but please don’t tell Gretta Van Susteren. I don’t want her tryin’ to steal my Marcus like she was tryin’ to steal your Todd. Marcus likes her. He finds her attractive—says she has a cute, rugged-looking mouth.

PALIN: You need more confidence if we’re gonna win. We’re a couple of attractive women that all the men of this great country would secede and vote for in a heart beat!

BACHMANN: It’s our intelligence that makes us sexy.

PALIN: And I think we have a better chance of winning if we run on an anti-intellectual platform. Intellectuals are elitists. They ask too many questions. And they don’t secede as easily.

BACHMANN: But if our intelligence is sexy and we run as anti-intellectuals aren’t we running as anti-sexy and damaging our chances of men voting for us?

PALIN: Yeah…. I didn’t think of it that way.

BACHMANN: Wait! I got it! Bimbos are sexy and anti-intellectual!

PALIN: And they have lots of fun! Trust me. You need lots of fun on a campaign! If it wasn’t for speaking to so many pro-American crowds at all those rallies and stirring up all that near-violence, and talkin’ about Bill Ayers, and all that shopping!—I would have been bo-ored!

BACHMANN: Yeah, I guess you should be the president then.

PALIN: I’m glad you understand.

BACHMANN: We should run on a platform of feminist revenge.

PALIN: You mean, we are the ultimate in feminism—a two-woman ticket for the highest offices in the land---and, getting revenge against all those loser Republican men these days—

BACHMANN: You know, Ensign has not made one pass at me!

PALIN: Boy, Perry made one at me!! Whew!!

BACHMANN: I’m jealous!

PALIN: McCain made one too!

BACHMANN: Ooh, yuk! No, I mean getting revenge against feminists! They’re pagans and they’ve ruined this country!

PALIN: But feminists made it possible for us to be in politics!

BACHMANN: No being mothers got us into politics! Mothers have nothing to do with feminists.

PALIN: (sudden realization) That’s right! There are hockey moms, but whoever heard of a hockey feminist?! Besides, feminists are intellectuals—and witches! Like Katie Couric and Hillary Clinton.

BACHMANN: And Tina Fey.

PALIN: Please!!! Don’t - say - that - name!

BACHMANN: Sorry. Does that mean I can’t be your vice-president?

PALIN: Let me give you a little test. What is your answer when Katie Couric asks you what Supreme Court cases you read daily?

BACHMANN: I read all of them.

PALIN: And what important newspapers from the last fifty years can you cite?

BACHMANN: I’ll find a few and get them to you??

PALIN: YOU PASSED!!!!

[LOUD SHRIEKING & JUMPING UP & DOWN]

BACHMANN: Now all we need to do is think of a slogan...

PALIN: How about: “Anti-Washington, Anti-Witchcraft. Anti-Census. Palin and Bachmann, the Anti-Candidates 2012”?

[LOUDER SHRIEKING & JUMPING UP & DOWN]

To be continued….