Deities United: A Future Supreme Court Ruling

It will happen on a day in the not too distant future; maybe a couple of years from now, maybe a decade. The success of conservatives, corporations and the US Chamber of Commerce will guarantee it. Corporations will have won the day in November 2012—and the election.

In Wall Street boardrooms, suburban Washington think tanks and K Street lobbyists’ offices almost simultaneously, CEOs, Executive Directors and Policy Analysts will all smile the Grinch smile. You know the smile; when the Grinch decides to steal Christmas.

Their collective greed and corruption will want more after Obama loses in 2012 because Karl Rove and Tom Donohue will have succeeded in funneling Saudi, Chinese and Russian money to determine our election.

After the glow of victory wears off, and after their stomachs have digested their victory like a Quarter Pounder with cheese and they are suddenly hungry for more, they will all turn their attention to satiating their new pangs.

Suddenly, the Citizens United Supreme Court ruling will seem to them like leftovers or an item on the menu that no longer suffices. In an instant, corporations are people too will not be so tasty or filling. No, nothing will satisfy any longer. No, nothing short of…

Corporations are Gods too.

“Yes,” the lawyer for Deities United, America’s newest conservative 501c4, 50 year old Kirk Cameron, will proudly exclaim before the assembled Supreme Court justices, “corporations are gods too!”

The justices will lean back in their high-backed, black leather chairs, smiling with anticipation about the show that has commenced before them. 

The case before the nation’s highest court, Deities United v. US Department of Defense, will seek to overturn the DOD’s prohibition on corporations fighting the Battle of Armageddon against all the Middle Eastern countries immersed in the Arab Spring of 2011.

Deities United is the lobby group of Xe, formerly Blackwater, and filed the suit to make billions more by killing millions more.

“Corporations are as rich as god,” Cameron will shout, “not poor like churches. Corporations are responsible for inventions that change god’s laws in ways that people cannot, that corporations, perched atop skyscrapers way up in the heavens, tower above people like gods perched atop the clouds, that corporations inspire as much awe the world over as god inspires in His multitudes, and finally, corporations are more jealous, more wrathful and more vengeful than god.”

The Solicitor General, disgraced former Congressman, Anthony Weiner, will argue that corporations can never be considered gods because corporations’ CEOs do not have beards, they do not have moral codes conveyed in commandments and they are not invisible.

The Supreme Court will make their landmark decision 5-4 along party lines in favor of Deities United.

Justice Thomas will write the majority opinion, citing that corporations more than people and god are responsible for changing the earth and therefore fulfill the function of God on earth and that in time Corporations will supplant god in significance and importance on earth…”if corporations are allowed to have their way”, his wife Ginny will chime in, proving once again that Thomas is an activist justice.

House Speaker John Boehner, in an obvious dig at former president Barack Obama, will announce that the decision “gives the special interests and their lobbyists even more power in Washington — while undermining the influence of average Americans who make small contributions to support their preferred god”.

Former Blackwater president, Erik Prince will say, “Gods especially have the power to take lots of lives without the annoying interference of Congressional investigations.”

Senator Mitch McConnell will attend the announcement of the ruling and will proclaim “it a strong blow for the First Amendment and a victory for freedom of religion.”

And after the Deities United ruling was decreed in 2015 there was no need for the presidential election of 2016 or any other election in any other year thereafter, for corporations had more money than God.

And it was put forth to the people that as the Romans and Greeks had a pantheon of gods, a deity for every aspect of human existence, corporations as gods served the people in a similar way—the god of offshore drilling, the god of convenient shopping and cheap material goods and the god of weapons to keep us safe, among many others.

And Christians wept, not because of the allusions to Roman and Greek gods, but because from Deities United they believed there was now a greater appreciation of God throughout the land.

All Praise be to the Glory of Wal-mart and to Exxon and to General Electric in the recently renamed US Temple of Commerce and the Prophet Tom Donohue.

Amen!

Johnny Carson

It is customary in blogland to honor someone on the day they died rather than on the anniversary of their birth. But who knows if I will be doing this in January and I want to take this opportunity to pay tribute to someone who I admired greatly as a child and young man, someone who helped determine the direction of my life.

Two hosts of the Tonight Show and nearly seventeen and a half years ago, Johnny Carson left the Tonight Show and I cried. Nearly six years ago he died and I cried again. I had a few male role models when I was growing up and Johnny Carson was one of the biggest.

As I mentioned here once before, I first heard the sounds of the Tonight Show from the other room when my father would come home from work more than forty years ago and settle in front of our old 16 inch black and white television with the antenna and bad reception with a Pepsi and a box of Cheezits and laugh.

Carson began the Tonight Show when America was a completely different country.

He was on television every night before the Civil Rights movement was subjected to the violence it endured in Birmingham, the murder of Medgar Evers, the March on Washington. The same day Carson took over the Tonight Show, James Meredith enrolled at the University of Mississippi—the resulting riots about which caused JFK to send 5,000 federal troops to quell the violence.

He was on every night before JFK was assassinated and while all the assassinations that followed throughout the 60s, including the murder of Lennon (who he knew) in 1980 and the attempt on Reagan in 1981.

He was on every night before JFK ramped up Vietnam and through its end in 1975 and all the years after while America came to terms with exactly what Vietnam was and what it meant to our divided country.

He was on before JFK made us all aware of the Cuban Missile Crisis and left the Tonight Show several months after the dissolution of the Soviet Union.

He was on before the 60s counterculture grew and on to the early-90s nostalgia of 60s counterculture.

In this space, I have written about the power of popular culture to transform our world politically—especially specific entertainers, like Michael Jackson and the Beatles. The same can be said for Carson. His easy humor and gentle charm got us through all the difficult moments during his thirty years on the air mentioned above and many more.
And it is for having enabled us to cope by being there every night (except Mondays, guest hosts and vacations) that Carson was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1992 and honored by the Kennedy Center in 1993 for his contribution to American culture.

Carson saw America through one of the more difficult periods in our history, save for the Revolution, the Civil War, the Depression and World War Two.

It can be argued that Carson helped facilitate some of the transformation America went through with regards to Civil Rights because he launched the careers and gave valuable national exposure to so many black entertainers like Bill Cosby, Redd Foxx, Flip Wilson, Richard Pryor—and that’s just comedy. Let’s not forget Sammy Davis Jr., Ike and Tina Turner, Muhammad Ali.

Carson was the last Tonight Show host, and one of the last talk shows hosts other than Dick Cavett, to feature authors and scientists and thinkers back when the Tonight Show was 90 minutes and some even after it became an hour long.

While Carson did showcase some members of the counterculture, his biggest contribution in this area was helping to launch or strengthen the careers of those like the Smothers Brothers who would feature the alternative mindset through humor and music.

Had the nameless (and brainless) NBC executive not decided to erase the entire Tonight Show tapes from the 60s, we would obviously had a better idea of Carson’s 60s legacy. Instead, the legacy with which we are most familiar is after the show moved from New York to Burbank and became more focused on Hollywood entertainment for its guest list, and may be deemed as more showbizzy. If we had his 60s Tonight Shows, we may have had a better idea of how great his achievement on American television really was.

Perhaps the closest we can come to that is the show with Bob Hope, Dean Martin, Judy Carne and George Gobel from 1969. The segment where Gobel is doing his bit and Dean Martin keeps flicking his cigarette ashes in Gobel’s plastic cup without his knowledge is at the end of this post.

At one time, he was the highest paid person on television and its most powerful person. As Jackie Mason said upon Carson’s death, “He will go down as the most powerful personality in the history of that whole damn box.”

Carson owned the Tonight Show while hosting it and he never let NBC executives control him as Leno and O’Brien were forced to tolerate. Carson walked in 1967 for more money and when he returned after NBC caved to his demands, he remarked that NBC stood for “Nobody But Carson”.

Carson monologue was the daily group therapy session for the country as we navigated 30 years of turmoil and recovery. Carson’s gentle humor appealed to so many on almost all sides of the political spectrum.

Many people allayed their fears during his monologues, conceived their hopes and made plans to realize their dreams by seeing others do it through their first appearance on his show.

While I did not think all of Carson’s attempts at sketches and characters fit his style and some of his conceptual humor was obviously borrowed from Letterman’s Late Night show, and may have been an obvious stretch to capture younger viewers, his comedic strength was obviously his conversational wit and ability to poke fun at himself and his failed monologue jokes.

Carson was an intelligent man who had a tremendous appreciation for the comedy and show business icons and institutions that came before. Because of the length of his tenure, he was a bridge to almost all that came before.

He had an easy-going style and charm, a handsome face with soothing, twinkling eyes. Everything about Carson to me as a kid when I regularly started watching him in the early 70s was perfect. There was no other place to find spontaneous humor. He was kind and quick with guests.

He mocked Watergate almost mercilessly in his own style. He may have done the same with Iran Contra but I was unable to watch him regularly then because of the tenuousness of my daily existence in New York back then.

I was so taken by Carson that I sent him Carnak jokes when I was 13 and did oil portraits of he, McMahon and Severinsen also when I was 13 or 14 and was going to send them but didn’t.

I became a disc jockey at the age of 19 because Carson started in radio. I developed a comic style long ago first borrowed from Carson, then others.

In 1980 I told Jay Leno in his dressing room where a bunch of local comics, including former “Family Feud” host, Ray Combs, were discussing comedy and show business when Leno was opening for Perry Como when he asked what my career aspirations were, that I wanted to take over the Tonight Show, but not from Carson—I wanted to take over from the person who took over from Carson.

Obviously I blew that opportunity this past June, or way back in 1993, or way back in 1980, depending on how you think show business works and what you know of me.

A dream came true in 1984 when I appeared on the Tonight Show in March of that year via videotape as a Bad Mime character for a Robert Klein segment from New York for “NBC’s Bloopers and Practical Jokes”. The part was created by a former David Letterman writer and friend. Carson laughed loudly at my only line and that filled me with endless joy and a sense of accomplishment. I sent the videotape to a former performer friend and never got it back.

Because of Carson’s gentle style and institutional status he was mocked by some in the 70s who did a harder-edged comedy and mocked as well in his later years on the Tonight Show because he was an older institution and therefore a target of ridicule by some younger comedians who now don’t seem to even have a career.

Carson’s wit, timing and encyclopedic memory always made him better than his material. He almost always stepped outside the material, mostly with just a look. Had he trusted newer comedy writers his could have expanded his appeal in later years. But he always trusted older comedy and never seemed to want to explore. His older writers did not seem to be able to handle the Letterman style of humor.

I wish those who release the Best of Carson DVDs would just repeat the shows as they were on Comedy Central or some other cable channel. I also wish they would go back into the early 70s and release more material from those shows.

Watching a Best of DVD right now, the comedy seems timely, like the shows I am watching that are thirty years old now were taped this evening.

The genius of Carson’s longevity is that his humor was witty, spontaneous and intelligent with just enough playful silliness on good nights. That’s why he worked well with animals, children, old people and average Americans.

And he was more than just a comedian he was also a showman as well as an intelligent conversationalist. He had a personality which was magnetic and with which one could easily identify, which harkens back to old show business, rather than simply being a performer. You knew Carson, or wanted to know him.

He understood what entertainment really was and he endeavored to bring the best to his audiences for thirty years. He loved to laugh which helped him as an entertainer because he entertained himself. He also admired clever and inventive comedians and gave them every break he could.

He left when he knew it was time and he never looked back. That made his legacy even greater because he had integrity, while single-handedly spawning the next generation of late night American television talk show comedy.

He’d be 84 today.

Venting

I am considering not participating in Obama’s plan to hold us economically hostage through hefty insurance fees and fines for not signing up for what may well be fake reform through welfare for the health insurance industry.

As Moulitsas said on Olbermann tonight, Obama may think he will be able to take any bill the Senate gives him, call it historic health care reform and sign it believing he is insuring (no pun intended) his place in history.

I did not vote for him twice for his personal glory. This is the strangest position I have been in as a voter. I wanted him to succeed and now feel betrayal. I listen to Republican attacks and find them to be so stupid and yet I cannot get behind Obama while finding 99.9% of Republicans and about 89% of Democrats abhorrent in this health care reform debate.

The mental melt-down on the right with town hall screaming, health reform lies, socialist labels, calls for assassination, guns at rallies, calls for military coups and more lies, lies, lies.

I don’t know which is worse—the inspidness of Limbaugh and Beck on a daily basis or the inspidness of Baucus and Conrad on a daily basis.

I hate that the majority of Democrats are so corrupt they cannot do what they were elected to do.

Does Boehner and Cantor think we believe their bullshit? Does Harry Reid have any look on his face other than just woke up?

The Republican hypocrisy when complaining about Obama and Clinton compared to Bush and Cheney makes me want to scream.

I applaud Rep. Alan Grayson for hyperbolically proclaiming the Republican health care plan as don’t get sick and if you do, die quickly.

I fear for the future of America and wish I had more power to do battle against the corporatists who are “trying to take away our freedoms”. Isn’t that how they used to describe terrorists?

Almost all Republicans and Democrats in Congress are anti-American by the truest definition of American.

Those town hallers are puppets and do not impress me as being real Americans in the Constitutional sense or Christians in the Jesus preaching sense yet they continue to act as morally superior and victimized by everyone.

If they want true socialism, let them go live in Cuba. I am sick and tired of people living in the country with the highest standard of living and the worst health care system for a country like ours of complaining of socialism. They are idiots and they have no appreciation for America.

I am frustrated there is no discussion among progressives that they can, as I believe and have written here many times, actually win elections in 2010 and steer America in a pragmatic progressive direction not the reactionary liberal one. I am frustrated they are not following through with any kind of plans to battle conservative Republicans and Democrats.

If there was ever a time for progressive Democrats and Independents to win by holding lying Republicans and Democrats to their lies it is now.

Pig Fucking

In the movie “All the President’s Men”, the actor Robert Walden, as real-life Nixon White House political operative Donald Segretti, told Dustin Hoffman as Carl Bernstein that the pranks they carried out to keep McGovern and Muskie from gaining traction in the election was called “rat fucking”.

Donald Segretti was role model for Lee Atwater, Bush 41’s campaign manager who carried out the Willie Horton ad which helped insure Bush 41’s victory over Dukakis, and served as architect as a strategist to the modern Republican Party. Karl Rove also learned from Segretti.

Massive lying, and twisting and exaggerating some small measure of truth is the backbone of American politics. Using these tactics to smear political opponents is a long-honored tradition. You don’t need me to tell you that. The Birthers, the Deathers, et al are evidence of those lessons learned.

Before America elected a black president, racism and race-based attacks had never been really seen beyond local elections on the political level—the most blatant example of which was Jesse Helms’ 1990 campaign against his former two-time African American opponent Harvey Gantt.

What Glenn Beck said yesterday that Obama is a racist who hates white people is pig fucking, which is an amped up, 21st century version of rat fucking.

What Limbaugh says everyday is also pig fucking. They have stirred racism among their audiences over the Gates issue, the Sotomayor nomination, the birth certificate issue and during the campaign claiming Obama was secretly a Muslim, etc..

On election night I watched MSNBC. When Keith Olbermann announced that Obama would be our next president, I became choked up that we actually had elected a black president.

As a 51 year old, I lived through the recent racial history of America. While many people, especially blacks, would quickly say that America would never elect a black president, I always believed we would. And I also believed it would happen in my lifetime. I just thought I would be older. Electing Obama made it seem that we had overcome some issues and had reached a milestone in the collective psychic pain in our country that gave a sign we were healing.

Now, I do not mean to suggest we overcame racism by voting for Obama. That assumes racism is something that can be healed so easily. It can’t. Almost nothing is that simplistic. As someone who quit drinking, quit smoking and quit drugs, all without twelve step programs, and regularly goes to therapy for mental maintenance, I believe there is some benefit to all the racism talk in the air.

Obama’s presidency is obviously about the immediate. But more importantly, his presidency is about those who are too young to vote. He is their childhood president. They are hearing all the racism of the Becks and Limbaughs and all Obama’s race-based detractors in a negative context and they are absorbing it and, I believe, they are being repulsed by it. We have a handsome, articulate young black president being called a racist by a fat, ugly, obnoxious white racist and an obnoxious, weepy, goofy racist. We need them to keep talking and making fools of themselves and forcing all of us to confront and deal with it to expand the long-overdue discussion. Time for therapy. And we need to have it not really for us, but for our children. They need to learn to confront their own and other’s racism and heal from it.

When quitting an addiction, one must talk about the emotional issues which started and fueled the addiction. We are addicted to power in America through our individual consumerism and our standard of living and our racial and cultural identities. The emotional issue of racism fuels our addiction to power on a national level, cultural level and, most importantly, a personal level because we do not want to lose what e have.

I am certain that many reading this will agree with the following statement that many times we all feel powerless and hopeless not just in global and national issues, but in our everyday lives.

I believe that espousing racism reveals a deep flaw in one’s character and emotional make-up. It reveals their fear of loss of personal power and hope.

But some wear racism as a badge of honor just as an alcoholic, wife-beating man wears drinking as a badge of honor. It reinforces his image of his own manhood and male mentality. However, I believe it is a fear and weakness that one should be embarrassed about and work to correct like spousal abuse and child abuse.

We have to talk about racism so our kids will talk about it and begin to solve it as an emotional issue as they grow into adulthood. Kennedy was my first president when my young consciousness was being formed, as did LBJ and Nixon later. The same is true with today’s kids and Obama.

Who remembers former Alabama Governor George Wallace’s words at his 1963 oath of office: “In the name of the greatest people that have ever trod this earth, I draw the line in the dust and toss the gauntlet before the feet of tyranny, and I say segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever.”

Little did Wallace know, the first black president who would desegregate the White House was then one year five months and ten days old.

Do we have what Wallace wanted—a segregated America? No. Wallace even later changed and apologized to civil rights leaders and, during his 1983-87 term as governor, appointed many blacks to state government jobs.

George Wallace is proof that a person’s racism can change.

Would Beck and Limbaugh also one day change? The difference between them and Wallace is they are commentators not politicians. The other difference is Wallace became a born-again Christian perhaps largely as a result of the paralysis he suffered due to the assassination attempt by Arthur Bremer in 1972.

I am not suggesting that for Beck or Limbaugh by any means.

Beck’s stupidity will make him irrelevant in time. Anyone remember Morton Downey Jr? Beck is so stupid that he completely contradicted himself within 75 seconds yesterday. First he said Obama is a racist who hated white people then when confronted about the reality of the whites in Obama’s administration, he said, “I’m not saying he doesn’t like white people.”

Perhaps the guy is a complete idiot, or perhaps I don’t understand the subtle yet logical shift he meant, or perhaps he is just pig fucking.

But Beck, Limbaugh and the rest have not yet learned the hard lesson that Wallace did. They must think their tactic will eventually win over the race traitors who voted for Obama.

But it won’t work. As the photo above suggests, they are not fucking America, they are fucking themselves.

Just because I always believed America would elect a black president does not mean I ever thought it would be easy. Just because a rock climber is able to grab hold of the next rock above does not mean their arms do not strain to pull themselves up.

Perhaps one positive aspect to all of this is that Beck and Limbaugh will keep drawing that racist poison out of us where it will dry up and turn to dust in the hot light of day and blow away in the wind—in another generation maybe??

The Jim Buck Blog Special July 4th Independence Day Extravanganza

Happy 4th of July, everybody!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, and thank you for joining me for the Jim Buck Blog Special 4th of July Extravaganza.

Oh, we’re gonna have a lot of red, white and blue fun today. So, grab your American flag, sit back and relax, and get ready to feel more patriotic than you’ve felt since George Bush 41 threw up all over that Japanese guy.

But before we move forward I think we should bow our heads in prayer and give thanks for the tremendous service as Governor that Sarah Palin has given to Alaska--and America during her campaign last year.


What a great American, to resign before the speculated heavy barrage of ethics complaints are lobbed against her. She is no Nixon for putting her state through vicious possible ethics scandals and investigations. And she is really no Nixon because she is not president of the United States. Yet. Ha ha.


And let’s continue to bow our heads and observe the passing, one year ago today—unless they lied just to make his soul seem uber patriotic—of another great American who formed the mold, former North Carolina Senator Jesse Helms, who so loved his country, and so hated the communists that he allied himself with Moonies and Central American drug dealers, both of whom have avowed publicly to destroy our great land. And Jesse sided with them and helped them any way he could, just so the communists could never succeed in doing their brand of damage to our freedom and American way of life. God blesse, Jesse.

But enough of the depressing serious stuff, it’s time for our stars and stripes SPECTACULAR!!

So, please put your hand over your heart and read aloud:

I pledge allegiance to the flag
And the United States of America
And to the Republicans
For which we vote
It is our nation
Indivisible from our God
With liberty to dictate our policies
On the rest of the country
And invade other countries
To exploit their resources
And suppress their governments
With justice for all of only us
Amen

I think I remember that’s how it goes. If not, it’s pretty darned close. And if it’s not close, then that’s how it should be.

And now for a little patriotic humor. The presidents atop Mount Rushmore are going to perform a little humorous vignette titled, When Does George Bush Get to Join Us?

WASHINGTON: It sure feels un-American being the only George up here.

JEFFERSON: Boy, do I know what you mean, George. If only we could tell the American people what a great president George Bush truly was.

LINCOLN: Yes, I think America only understands how great a president is until after they've been assassinated.

ROOSEVELT: Bully. I know they wouldn't hear me tell them--I speak too softly.

THEY ALL LAUGH.

WASHINGTON: But maybe if you waved your big stick, Teddy, in sort of a semaphore signal, then all of America would know we want George W. Bush up here in stone with us.

LINCOLN: I'm sure many Americans would like to see him in stone.

JEFFERSON: What does that mean, Abe?

WASHINGTON: You see, Abe, you're always so negative. That's why you got shot.

ROOSEVELT: And, that's why there's this gap up here between you and us.

WASHINGTON: He led a revolutionary war--in Iraq!

ROOSEVELT: And he flew onto that aircraft carrier just like I charged up San Juan Hill!

JEFFERSON: And he abolished the slavery that many on Wall Street and corporate America were chained to. Capitalism in America had been like a plantation until he freed them from the bonds of government regulation.

WASHINGTON: C'mon, Abe. Trust me. I say he should be up here, and I should know, I'm the Father of our country.

LINCOLN: But I'm the greatest American president.

JEFFERSON: If you're that great, they would've renamed our nation's capitol, Lincoln, DC.

THEY ALL LAUGH, BUT ABE.

ABE: Alright, alright, where would you put him?

JEFFERSON: Well, there's a spot right next to you.

ABE: I thought they were saving that for Reagan.

WASHINGTON: Well then, let's just say that Reagan was saving it for George.

THEY ALL LAUGH, BUT ABE.

JEFFERSON: Cheer up, Abe. You know you should be grateful.

LINCOLN: For what?

ROOSEVELT: That the back of your head's against this mountain. Now nobody can ever shoot you from behind again.

THEY ALL LAUGH, BUT ABE.

WASHINGTON: We should tell every tourist that comes to look at us that we want George, we want George. They'll hear it in the wind and soon it will catch on.

JEFFERSON: Yes, and it will become a movement. Just like how our own revolution started.

ROOSEVELT: And the people will rise up and demand George W. Bush on Mount Rushmore.

WASHINGTON: And they will rename this place, Mount Bush'n'more.

ABE ROLLS HIS EYES. THEY ALL LAUGH, BUT ABE.

Wasn't that just some great patriotic American comedy?! Let's give them a hand, The Mount Rushmore Players, ladies and gentlemen, and their tribute to that great American president, George W. Bush!!!


And now for a musical number. Kate Smith, singing God's favorite song that's not about his son..."God Bless America!"

APPLAUDS



Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much. I just want to say that I and America are humbled by your sharing your 4 th of July with us here at the Jim Buck Blog Special 4th of July Extravaganza!

(SENSES THE APPLAUSE THROUGHOUT OUR BLOG-HEARTLAND)

Yeah! Yeah!

I think right now everyone out there agrees with me when I say: I think we ought to turn America into a PATRIOCRACY!!!!

(SENSES EVEN MORE APPLAUSE AND CHEERS AND WHISTLES THROUGHOUT OUR BLOG-HEARTLAND)

Yeah! Yeah!

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen! And now...let's EAT!!!



Okay, the food's not quite ready. I guess that's God's way of reminding us to pray first. So, let's bow our hands, put our eyes together and close our heads....

I mean, put our hands together, close our eyes and bow our heads....

Lord, we give thanks for the 233 years of our great country's life. And we hope liberty reigns for another 233 years and beyond. And we hope you'll make the Democrats lose in 2010 and 2012. We need Sarah, Lord. And Sarah needs you. And she has you, Lord, that which is what we know.

Take away Obama, Lord. He is our first black president and he is so disappointing. We have not seen him sing and dance at a press conference not one time, Lord. He is no Sammy Davis Jr.

Lord, we know it ain't politically correct, but we want America to be a white again, but we'll allow some non-whites, just like a genuine American vanilla ice cream cone with maybe a few little chocolate sprinkles on top.

And Lord, bless the fireworks we will see tonight, oh Lord, and give us a good show, for we know that fireworks commemorate the glory of war, and the glory of the greatest war, oh Lord, the war of Armageddon, when the battle of good versus evil takes place, will be the greatest fire in the sky and end-of-the-world display humanity will ever have witnessed.

Oh, I just heard a boom. Was that the fireworks?! It is!!

God's AMERICAN GLORY is on display tonight! Let's watch!!



And now, I know everyone has been waiting for it, which is why we saved it to last, it's time for the Jim Buck Blog Special Winner of the "Who's the Greatest American After George W. Bush" poll. And as you can see, it's Rush Limbaugh!!

SENSES APPLAUSE THROUGHOUT AMERICA'S GLORIOUS BLOG-HEARTLAND

My son has friends who call Rush, "Tush Rimjob". The way I see it, patriotism for Rush through a speech impediment is better than none at all.

And that wraps up (us in our great flag, ha ha!) the Jim Buck Blog Special 4th of July Independence Day Extravaganza!! Let me be the first to wish America, happy 234th!

And let me finish by saying, if you ain't American, then you surely want to be!!

Goodnight, everybody! Happy flag waving!! Ain't it sexy??!!!



GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

Three Star Citizen

The photo above of the partial photo (sorry about the quality) is from my current passport. As you can see if you look closely, there are three stars at the left of the photo. The bottom star (they’re all red) is partially obscured by my jacket.

Before starting this blog, I was telling a co-worker about Eddie Hatcher, the man at the center of the four-part series that I began this blog with, along with Jesse Helms and Dick Cheney. My co-worker asked me if there were any stars on my passport. I told him I didn’t know and asked why. He said he’d had lunch with a French woman that he met and she said that if someone is a “person of interest” for the U.S. government there are three stars on their passport.

I came home after work and looked at my passport and was surprised to see the three stars. I got this passport in 2004 to go to Paris to visit a friend, perhaps somewhere near the height of the Bush Administration’s illegal activities (like SPYING!!!) against Americans.

I believe I was victimized by the Patriot Act in 2003 and again in 2004.

In October 2002, a Kurdish friend (the brother of my friend in Paris) and I decided in advance of the Iraq war to promote nationhood for Iraqi Kurds through a website called KurdishNation.com, which was, as we all know, totally against the Bush Administrations’ plans for Iraq.

I used to have a landlord who was a telephone technician with a high security clearance. He would wire the phones for events involving the President of the United States. In August 2004 he did the phones for a Schwarzenegger fundraiser for Bush’s re-election and called me with a list of telephone technicians’ names to send an email to the communications officer for White House communications certificates (of appreciation, I assume). The email address was the person’s name and a collection of letters indicating the White House on the move. I hesitate to offer even a partial version of the email address for fear of being brought up on charges of violating national security.

That night I got an email from my KurdishNation.com collaborator that said “thanks :-)” in the subject field and when I clicked on it, it went pink. It was stopped because it was a virus. That’s the moment I imagine George Bush laughing his little laugh.

Firstly, my friend never sent me emails, and secondly, he was not the kind of person who would put “thanks :-)” in the subject field. I asked him later if he sent me the email and he said he hadn’t. I asked if anyone else complained they’d gotten a virus from him and he said no. So, my second contact with the White House and I get a virus. Did they know who I was or does it happen to everyone? My first contact simply resulted in laughter (but that’s another story).

Although my friend bought the domain name with a credit card online via a technology that is supposed to be as fast as the speed of light in October 2002, it took six months for the domain name to be released. We had already designed the website and began its construction. When the domain name was released in April 2003, I called my friend a couple of weeks later on my cell phone and said, “Now that the domain name has been released, we should kick the website into high-gear.”

The next day, someone broke into my apartment and stole my laptop. Coincidence? Maybe.

If it’s not true about the three stars being a secret code for a watch list, there is only one other explanation: we are a country of ratings.

The profits of our television and radio industries are determined by ratings. Movie and hotel reviews are displayed in a series of stars. A five-star hotel is the best. Five stars seem to denote the best there is in many fields and businesses.

Is that what my government is doing with me? Is my government rating me on my passport so that when I go to other countries those countries can determine what kind of tourist I will be based on the amount of stars my government awarded me?

If so, I only have three stars. Not a very good tourist, huh? That doesn’t give me much bargaining power. I can’t go into a hotel a flash my passport and haggle the price of a room down $50— because I only have three stars! Now, if I had five stars, I’d be able to haggle effortlessly, because otherwise, I could take my five-star business elsewhere. Do three stars say I won’t be spending much money? Is it a class thing? Do I need a bigger bank account?

My question is: who in the government do I call to discuss the fact that, as a citizen, they’ve only given me a three-star rating? Is this a call-my-congress-person situation? And what do I have to do to up my rating?

I know, I know. The back taxes, student loans, not voting in several elections, never serving in the military, and my incessant rambling about the long-forgotten genius of Vanilla Ice, I could understand all of that taking away one star, but not two.

Half of Obama’s cabinet nominations had tax problems!

They wouldn’t take away the other star because of personality issues or intelligence constraints, would they? Or the way I dress? Or my ability to discuss wine and art? I’ve never had a sex scandal like many who serve in Congress.

I’d hate to think my government thinks I’m contrary or contentious. I shower daily and like to laugh. I don’t want to sound like an eHarmony.com applicant, but I do consider myself more than just a three-star type of guy. It’s a bit of a disappointment to say the least.

Okay, so I don’t know what number president Milliard Filmore was, and I can’t tell you when the Department of Interior was formed, but I know enough about American history. That couldn’t make me lose a star.

I guess, maybe, reporting on American Indian issues, trying to expose drugs in Iran Contra, interviewing Leonard Peltier back in the late 80s-early 90s, and maybe trying to subvert the Iraq war with democratic nationhood for Kurds, might make me….

Oh, I see….

Maybe the government considers all of that when determining one’s good citizen rating….

Well, there’s only one thing to do—see if there’s a free pamphlet I can get on how to be a better American. How to improve your credit rating pamphlets are available from the Federal Government by the truckload. I am sure there is a pamphlet on how to improve upon a three-star citizen rating.

There’s gotta be one star in it for me just for ordering it.

Maybe there’s another star if I stop writing this blog.

Redemption. That’s what America’s all about.

I pledge allegiance to the flag ….

The Jim Buck Blog Special Independence Day Extravaganza

Join us on Saturday July 4th for the Jim Buck Blog Special Independence Day Extravaganza.

So much patriotism you’ll wish you were Senator Lindsey Graham just to be able to enjoy it all.