Friday, June 19, 2009

The New “Tricky Dick”—Cheney: America’s Top Terrorist Cheerleader

Note to Obama: Although I disagree with the practice, for the good of the country, you should warrantless wiretap Dick Cheney—and his daughter Liz while you’re at it. If CIA Director Leon Panetta believes Cheney seems to want America to suffer another terrorist attack just to defend himself for past crimes and his anti-Obama rantings regarding torture, Guantanamo, et al., then it stands to reason, given Cheney’s past and his connections, that he may soon become desperate enough try to arrange an attack against America, blame it on terrorists and convince Americans to rise up against Obama, as Rush, Rove, Palin and Newt, in a collective Darryl Issa-like moment, call for a presidential recall election. While there cannot be a presidential recall election, it seems those on the radical right like Limbaugh, Palin, Cheney, the Tea Baggers, and all those who shouted “Kill him!” at Palin rallies during last year’s election, may try anyway. Regardless, Cheney arranging an attack would increase his chances of not being forced to eat frijoles negroes everyday in a high-security facility somewhere in Spain.

This must have any 9/11 conspiracy theorists out there nodding heavily in agreement. Let’s face it, Clinton left Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld (who is so pretty for a man his age he will quickly and easily wind up becoming someone’s puta) and Rice with a warning that bin Laden was “determined to strike”. Now, I’m no conspiracy theorist. I’m a conspiracy “factist” (please don’t confuse it with fascist). A conspiracy factist is different from a theorist because we have seen the apple fall from the tree, so we know for a fact that gravity exists. However, a theorist sees all the apples under the tree and believes an evil cabal like Skull and Bones or the Freemasons yanked them from the tree and threw them on the ground.

However, a conspiracy theorist is not to be confused with a conspiracy therapist, which is your shrink secretly plotting with other shrinks, and your boss and family, to make your life a living nightmare, usually with the help of the Bilderbergers, Illuminatis, G. Gordon Liddy and extra-terrestrials. Further, a conspiracy therapist is not the same as a conspiracy “theoloist” which is one who believes that some of the disciples schemed and colluded with the Known World Bank, the Ancient World Health Organization, Satan and a twenty-something G. Gordon Liddy—ba-doom boom—to ensure Jesus would only become the stepson of God.

But back to the matter at hand at the wrists. Two things make me make my initial point: Cheney has that glacial exterior, which, by virtue of the laws of glaciohydraulic supercooling, means he also has a glacial interior. He is a man devoid of fairness, empathy and compassionate and he is devious—planning things like man-size safes assassination rings and the war in Iraq using fake WMD evidence. The third thing of the two—you see, three follows two—is his manipulation during Iran Contra to avoid any committee scrutiny of drugs being brought into this country to fund Oliver North’s efforts. Yes, I said it, Cheney betrayed this country once before as an accomplice to drug traffickers helping to damage this country through cocaine sales.

Oh jeez, now I’ve pissed off the mainstream media by bringing up that sore spot again. I know they thought they drove that scandal deep underground by persecuting Gary Webb, but they haven’t. Why? Because that scandal was like a toxic waste dump—you can cover it over with dirt and housing developments, but the toxins will get into the ground water and sicken, deform and kill us. Remember Love Canal? Okay, sorry! That was the 80s and this is the 00s. I apologize! Anyway, it will all be in my upcoming book, so back to the Cheneys and their terror rooting.

Is it just me or is it not obvious Cheney doesn’t really care about America’s safety?

Right. He only cares about using this issue to leverage Republicans back into power and to save his ass through fear mongering. And to quote my thesaurus and paraphrase Kris Kristofferson at the same time, “Fear mongering’s just another word for striking terror because of nothing left to lose.”

But, who doesn’t believe Cheney would not be on the phone in a heartbeat to have someone plant a fake dirty bomb in a major city and have a fake Al Qaeda cell take responsibility just to save himself by using the resulting fear and terror—and Limbaugh’s mouth—to sway public opinion just like Palin is trying to use Letterman’s poor taste joke to exact revenge against her political enemy: Letterman, the man she probably thinks prevented her from becoming vice-president when Letterman continually ridiculed McCain for canceling an appearance on his show back in September for the sake of the country only to be seen being made up on the live feed from the CBS Evening News studios for his interview with Katie Couric, thereby making their campaign even more of a laughing stock (after Palin’s Couric interviews and her fake Sarkozy interview) which enabled Obama to rocket ahead and win.

Have I offered the distinction between conspiracy theorists and conspiracy paranoists? I haven’t??

Anyway, a conspiracy theorist is like a dog that’s been beaten too many times by its violent, drunken master so that when the dog’s dish has been pissed in, it suspects its master. A conspiracy paranoist is that same dog that becomes afraid when it hears its violent, drunken master begin to raise its voice and move to the screen door with a stick, so that the dog ambles off the porch and under it for safety as quickly as possible while its master stumbles and falls down the stairs and knocks himself unconscious.

Cheney is that drunken (with power), violent (with war) master (as he was with “W”), America is that dog (bad metaphor) and Liz (she’s just Liz) is the severely devoted, dangerously myopic and excessively defensive daughter who hears the police siren coming down the street and doesn’t want her father to go to jail for cruelty to animals.

If there is a terrorist attack in America, it won’t be because of Obama and closing Gitmo and releasing torture memos, it will be because of Cheney and the coming neo-Con conspiracies using a “terrorist attack” to re-take America and then take the Bush abuses to the next level, becoming like some South American socialist dictators of days gone by. Or days gone by very recently. That’s right. Cheney is almost like an American Hugo Chavez. He is “smelling the sulfur” of another terrorist attack and he will lie like Chavez to get his way.

That’s obviously hyperbole. But this isn’t: Dick Cheney served Nixon. He knew what Nixon wanted (unlimited power), he saw what Nixon did to get it and he saw how Nixon suffered due to his own paranoia and bad judgment. Cheney learned from Nixon’s mistakes on how to play the game. He succeeded in lying to get us into a war which our grandchildren’s grandchildren will pay for all for oil and Halliburton and KBR war profiteering, etc., etc., etc., and democracy in the Middle East.

In the old days America created and used dictators to control countries and their natural resources and to keep them from becoming Soviet tools. Now we create and use democracies (like in Iraq) to control people and their oil (which is why we wouldn’t allow the three-state solution in Iraq—too hard to control) and to keep them from becoming terrorist tools.

Cheney is the new “Tricky Dick”. But “Tricky” is almost cartoonish and mild compared to what he is capable of.

But on the other hand, to quote the Kinks, “Paranoia will destroy yaaaa….”

Thanks for reading, everybody! Good night!